Gaining Perspective: May 2011

Saturday, May 28, 2011

God Save me

I just woke up standing over my son with my shotgun pointed at him. The dog was in my house. It barked at me, that's why I woke up. That dog probably saved my sons life. What the hell is going on? Oh my god, I love my son more than anything else. I'm cleaning out all the ammo and giving it to Jim. Oh my god. The dog left. It dropped a utility bill. It had my name on it. 72 24th st. Ogden Marsh IA. I've never lived there. I need help. Can anyone really help me?

This is not real they are not real why did I make them not real why won't i let myself remember adam you are talking to yourself wake up and remember you made them not real his face is gone his face is gone his face is his face is his face is his face is his face his face is

YOU HAVE TO RUN IT'S HERE YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP NOW!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Found something

Found this in his coat. Who the hell is "we?" And what do they remember that I don't? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

...

The dog came back. I heard it barking outside my house so I grabbed my shotgun. A while ago Jim convinced me to put a tac-light on it and I'm glad I did. Outside I flipped it on and pointed my shotgun at the dog. In front of it was my sons rain coat. Kiddo had one of those bright yellow rain coats that you see in commercials and he loved it so much. We lost it last year. It was right in front of the dog. Once it knew (knew, it's a dog for the love of Jesus! It can't be that smart?!) I had seen the coat, it picked it up and brought it to me. I was just dumb founded. It dropped it at my feet and trotted off. I'll buy everyone who is reading this a round if they don't believe me, but I swear to you, the dog was laughing.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Inside a Jail Cell

The sleepwalking is getting worse. I've been out of touch for a while cause I've been in jail. Evidently I decided to go on a rather long walk. Twenty six miles to be exact. How I did that in less than six hours I'm not sure. Also when you take into account that I made a blog post, then got into one hell of a scrap while walking I walked fast. I went to bed early on Wednesday and then next thing I really remember is waking up in a jail cell and I'm hurting bad. I feel like I just went twelve rounds with someone. I am cut up and beat up and my throat is just raw. According to police reports I was found wandering the streets in town just bloody with my pocket knife out and in my hand. I lucked out in the next part cause the officer that found me is one of my sparring partners. I'll call him Jim in this blog. Jim got out and asked if everything was ok, and I just went after him. I was trying to scream something but they couldn't make it out. He tasered the hell out me, pepper sprayed me, and finally cuffed me. At that point I went limp.
The good thing about small town Iowa is that they aren't going to press charges on me. Jim has been a friend for years, he knows I would never attack him in my right mind. I do have to go see a shrink, and I'm kinda on house arrest. Lucky for me this all happened on my days off so I didn't lose my job. What the hell is going on? And what did I do before I ended up in town?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Again

Yahweh, my God, I take refuge in you. Save me from all those who pursue me, and deliver me lest they tear apart my soul like a lion, ripping it in pieces, while there is none to deliver

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, and from the words of my groaning?

Answer me when I call, God of my righteousness. Give me relief from my distress. Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Going Crazy

I know I'm losing it.
I just try to deny what I'm reading, but everything seems so damn familiar. Hiding behind a veil of pretend fiction is only going to work so far. I read what some of these monsters blog, and I'm just waiting to find out what happens next. But these horrible things are really happening. People are dying, being tortured, hunted by monsters. Then there are the things that these monsters follow! The real monsters of the story. Till just recently I was able to pretend, but when that dog was just gone... It was wrong on a fundamental level. I don't care what kind of dog it was, I ran the forsaken thing over, not once, but three times! Then parked on it! It was pinned and still snarling at me!

Then there is the sleepwalking. Why can't I remember what I'm dreaming!? It's getting worse. Last night I found myself outside painting my shed. Nothing methodical or useful no. 7224. Over and over and over and over again. The only thing not that damn number? "It Knows The Past."

I have got to figure out what is going on.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

WTF?

Got home from work tonight, and the dog is there. Its right in my drive way, teeth bared. So, doing what comes natural to a pissed off country boy, I hit it with my truck. Now I don't drive one of the big SOBS that a lot of my neighbors do, but my truck is still big enough. After tho, I hear it barking and snarling from underneath my truck. So I back over it. I see it again and it's GETTING BACK UP. Third time being the charm, I hit it again. When my tire is on it, I stop. Better safe than sorry, I get out run inside, grab my shotgun, and go back out. It's gone. I had a truck parked on the dog and it is gone. I have a dent in my fender and what looks like blood on my tires and the dog is gone.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Hating hospitals

So at the park the other day with my son like I said I was going to, and guess who shows up? That damn dog that was running around my property the other night. It was threatening rain so kiddo and I were the only ones at the park, and I was sitting down zoning while he was playing on the swings and suddenly I hear barking. My son is up a tree (one of those real ugly ones, thick trunks, branches going everywhere? My wife could tell me what kind) and that dog is under it. This is the first time I've ever seen this dog in full light and it's big. Like rottweiler big. Completely black, with jaws just drooling. First I thought it was rapid, but it turned right on me as soon as I moved and shot right toward me. Rabies makes animals aggressive, but loopy. They stagger like drunk. This dog moved like I had beat it's master. I'm a big guy (6'4" 230 lbs) and I know how to take a hit, but this dog knocked me down like it was a frieght train. It went right for my face. I got my hands up on it and pushed so it's teeth only grazed me, but if it had managed to I'm sure it was going to crush my skull. Then it just got off me and ran away. I'm dazed but I'm sure that dog has an owner who called it off. Weird part is I live about twenty minutes into the country from the park. That's a long way to go for a dog. Anyway, I got two scraps down my cheeks where the dog tried to bite me. One under each eye, I'm lucky I didn't lose one of them. I filed a police report and if I see that dog again I'm shooting it no questions asked.

On the creepy side while blogger was out my wife found me trying to post while asleep. I guess that's one dream I won't see evidence of. Kinda makes me glad.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Nightmare

Ok, holy shit. Woke up and my laptop was open and that last post was on it. For the record, I woke up like I usually do on my day off, a happy little four year old cannon ball flying into our bed. He's fine. No marks, and his face is dirty but that's normal for boys his age. No cuts on it, and he's as lively as ever.
I don't remember the dream I must have been having, but I'm not sure I want to. We are having french toast and going to the park. I feel the need to play with my son.

HELP US HELP MY SON PLEASE!

HIS FACE IS TORN HE WON'T STOP CRYING RIGHT DOWN HIS EYES HIS FACE IS TORN I CAN'T DO ANYTHING HIS FACE IS GONE STOP THIS PLEASE STOP THIS SOMEBODY PLEASE HE'S JUST A LITTLE BOY MY GOD I'M SORRY PLEASE HE'S JUST A LITTLE BOY WHY DOESN'T HE HAVE A FACE ANYMORE HE'S SO COLD I'M SORRY HELP ME

Monday, May 9, 2011

Compulsions and blogs

So, bit of a confession going on here. After my intial shock over what ever the hell is going on with all these blogs, I had read enough to know the smart thing to do is to stop. Stop reading about it, ignore the blog, whatever. I can't. Not just in the sleepwalking me, but I feel a need to post on this when I'm awake. I read all the blogs i follow. Then I read a post in one of my many archive binges about a compulsion to write. Thank you Steward for that lovely piece of info, now I know exactly why I am screwing myself over.

Sometimes, six beers just aint enough. That's why they make cases.

You want to know my main thought when I read these blogs? These are just kids most of them. No bigger than my little sister who I helped potty train for Jesus' sake. I know my house wasn't exactly normal (six of us, no dad, mom not exactly great, hell maybe that does make us normal anymore) but I just feel like these monsters, these fears as one blog called them, are going after kids. I see my little sis, my brothers, even my son (at least who he will be) in these "runners." Running is not an option for me. Never really has been. People depend on me, and need me. If I were to run they would be just as screwed as if ... whatever comes. I've fought, and I've won everytime it mattered. Plus, I'm no kid.

Btw, one last thing from a comment from a different blog. Mr. MorningStar, our bar manager has the perfect term for people like you. You sir, are nothing but a big ol' bag of dicks.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mothers day

I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this, but I really hate mothers day. I work in a restaurant and mothers day is one of the busiest days of the year. Seriously people, she'd rather you learn to cook and make her a nice meal than go out. Of course what otherwise would have been fine is now tragically inadequate for dear old mom. You are not impressing her, she is just thinking that she must have royally screwed up to have spawned someone who could be such a prick to a waitress. Of course my feelings toward my own mother have nothing to do with mothers day at all. Exhausted going to sleep now.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Tequilla is not your friend

First let me say, ow my head. Why don't kids understand hangovers?
Little calmer now. Got a little drunk last night and had a bit of a freak out. Didn't tell my wife, no need to worry her. She's already mad that last night I went for a drive while asleep. Didn't really go anywhere, just around our property (we have ten acres of land). Before that tho, I guess I continued my freak out in my blog. Least this time it was a post not a comment. They say if you are talking to yourself, it might mean you are crazy. :P Of course the 7224 popped up again. I can't figure out what I'm trying to say in my sleep. The worst part of the sleep walking to me? I always wake up hoarse like I've yelling at a game the whole night. The wife insists that I'm not making any noise, but man my throat hurts.
I'm still not quiet sure what to think of the blogs. It seems like treat it like fantasy is the best course of action. One comment someone made kinda worries me tho:
"If I'm following it, chances are it's a true account. How do I predict thse blogs?Well, it's a little perk I still hold from the organization I defected.... "

The guy who made that statement is now following my blog.
Edit: I think it's the same guy who is following my blog. Same name, different icon.

7 224 722 4 72 24

dream lied go ion being it ok in its only no wow thats all doubt is aggrro questiinng getionng icledarer adoanm twakwe up you haanvte tttooooooo rreemmmmeeeeeeemmbbeeeerrrrrrrr hheellllpppppppp mmee hhhheeeeeeellpp mmmmeeeeeeee hheellllpppppppp mmee !!!!

Friday, May 6, 2011

These blogs are real aren't they?

Reading the blogs that I added while sleep walking.
I think they are all real. They can't be tho? Eldritch Abominations? Fears made real? Cities that don't exist, houses without doors? What the hell? I'm just a good old Iowa country boy, why would any of this pertain to me?
What am I doing?
The weirdest part? A lot of them sound familiar.
Screw the miller lite, going for the tequilla.
I need sleep.

Weird day

So last night no sleepwalking. This is because almost no sleep. I live in the country, about five miles from anywhere. I like it, it's quiet. Last night there was a barking dog all night long. I left town to get away from that BS. At one point I even went outside, fully intent on hosing that dog down if I could. It was just off my property. Big black ugly looking mutt. Sounded angry too. Next time it decides to bark all night at my house, I'm going to shoot it. I got a little boy, I don't need dangerous dogs running around.
Got in to work today, and one of our smoke detectors was going off. No fire, no smoke. It took over five and a half hours before it got shut off. The pitch was just so that it rattled in my skull. I work in a restaurant, and I'm the guy in the front of house. This of course set everyone on edge. I had so many angry guests, my crew was upset, and the tone was just rattling my brain. I can still feel it.
So after my shift I go and I pick up my son. He's had a busy day helping mommy, and when he gets tired, he gets dark circles under his eyes. This time tho, it was weird. The dark circles extended down his face kinda like in a line. It almost looked like harlequin makeup under his skin. No amount of washing got it off either, it was definately under the skin.
That noise still in my head. Ugh, it's miller time.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Well that was fast

So apparently I got up in the middle of the night and logged on to my blog and commented. While this was the point, I'm surprised it happened that quickly. Also, despite it being may in the midwest, i also decided to crank my heater on. My wife was a little angry to wake up in a sauna. She's rather glad about the blog tho. My sleepwalking is bothering her, and anything that will get to the bottom of it is a good thing in her book.

The blogs I'm now following, are they real? I mean it mostly just seems like a bunch of peoples English Fiction assignments, but no one seems to be critiquing them, or treating them as anything but the truth (holy run on sentence batman!)

To answer the question that always comes up (if anyone starts reading this, which I kinda doubt) timelessness is just my internet handle. Anything online is that. It came from a conversation back in the day (I'm old enough to say that, and that fact bothers me) about how I don't remember my dreams. The closest thing is just a sense of timelessness after waking. Feeling like most college kids do, I decided that I had uttered the most profound of statements and promptly adopted it as my handle. Gotta run, kiddo wants breakfast.

-timelessness

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A chance for discovery

I really don't know where to begin.

I've been waking up terrified on a regular basis. When I catch my breath, things are usually different. My house has been rearranged, my gas tank is lower, something is just different. Nothing menacing, but I feel like I've been screaming the whole night. Remembering my dreams just isn't happening. I've never really remembered my dreams either. This morning I found this blog open on my laptop, created using my email. It's been following several blogs as well. All of them...strange. Maybe if I start keeping a blog, I'll figure out what I'm so afraid of.

What have I got to lose right?

-timelessness-